Chapter Two

7:58PM

i'm in a very awkward time in my life...which means this journal is now ending.

just like my last one.

i'll have a new one soon.
but yeah. goodbye.

11:50PM

this is really hard to do...

remembering something important, this is the only place these pictures exist now. i deleted everything else.

Current mood: drained

Current music: thursday - understanding in a car crash

10:23PM

i'm picking it up in a half hour...this will change alot. i wonder what it's going to be like...

11:14AM - ...

she was right about me...

fuck, this is really painful.
really, really painful.
a little too much to bear maybe?

time to throw up.

12:45AM

out of all the endings i could have chosen this has been the most upsetting...i feel like i've been nailed up against a wall to watch this all unfold. there isn't a single fucking thing i can do...and i guess that's what hurts the most.

11:56PM - i'm moving in march

yeah...

tonight was really bad...i hope her head is ok.
sucks to know she is waiting for him and has a crush on him.
"eh" is her response.

i don't even fuckin know anymore...
but yeah, plane ticket and moving in march.
maybe i'll be happy elsewhere

2:52PM

all woman please die.

2:26AM

if i'm lied to once more i'm packing my shit and getting on a plane next monday.

i love the way stephanie's closest friends aren't talking to me...they know the truth..and to think i called them my friends...friends tell other friends if their gf sucks a dude's dick while they're still technicly dating.

oh well.

fuck all of you.

12:30AM - fucking jewish whore

so i was cheated on and she can't stop lying about it. i'm glad i have a friend good enough to tell me the truth. she sucked his dick in a cd connection bathroom. how low and disgusting is that. i'm so glad i have that rotting cunt out of my life.

2:10AM

i'm leaving in 6 monthes. i can't take this place anymore it's a fucking mistake to even try to make new friends or even keep up with the old. you all took advantage of me. i hope you realise what you've done to someone who actually cared. i probably wont be updating this for a very long time. no one reads it anyways.

this time there wont be no long goodbye.

Current mood: numb

Current music: she wants revenge - someone must get hurt

2:37AM

you think you're getting back at me. you think by going to him it'll get to me. i'm through with your mindgames, i'm through with the accusations. i'm better than all this. you had something amazing, you had something you took advantage of. your fear and your stubborn arrogance destroyed our feelings. one day soon you'll look back at this and realise how much you fucked up. i'm sorry kid, but it does feel good to know you're planning on trying to hurt me..even though i actually cared. proves to me i was right all along.

10:15PM

i found someone who was my bestfriend and i was so in love. and fuckegojwegh weghwehgfweghwegwegwegwiphegwegtwiphegwe kwej pwegojuwerhb. END ALL.

10:12PM

i'm the kid who feels alone when he's with his bestfriends.

1:56AM - do the fucking math

the only way i can express my emotion is through this song, written by my close friend Chad (rip).



i'm lost inside myself
and i can't get out
you were the only one
who could ever find me

i still cling to
these faded memories
of a bliss i once knew
when i had everything
i threw it all away
just like i always do
but when i left you behind
i never stopped loving you

AND HERE I AM
WITHOUT YOU
AND I FEEL SO FUCKING EMPTY
I NEED YOU
HERE WITH ME
IN THE THROES OF MY DREAMING
AND I AM SORRY
FOR WHAT I'VE DONE
THOUGH YOU'LL NEVER FORGIVE ME
AND HERE I AM
LOST IN DREAMS
AND I'M STILL DREAMING OF...

I tried to let it go
to forget and move on
but the dreams always come back
of the way you made me feel

i still cling to
these faded memories
of a bliss i once knew
when i had everything
i threw it all away
just like i always do
but when i left you behind
i never stopped loving you

AND HERE I AM
WITHOUT YOU
AND I FEEL SO FUCKING EMPTY
I NEED YOU
HERE WITH ME
IN THE THROES OF MY DREAMING
AND I AM SORRY
FOR WHAT I'VE DONE
THOUGH YOU'LL NEVER FORGIVE ME
AND HERE I AM
LOST IN DREAMS
AND I'M STILL DREAMING OF...

6:43PM

PRE-ORDER MY ALBUM!!!


Pre-Order Dot Execute's Self-Titled Album.
Price: $10.00 (+$5 S&H)
Available December 18th!

4:04AM

i don't even want to breathe right now.

11:11PM

everyone is going to college and i'm not.

why?

because i'm in Dot Execute. that's why.

Birthday on the 6th, something on the 13th. you'll see ;)
18 this year.

2:34PM

3:30PM - Changing

lately stephanie and i have been changing alot. last night she brought up us taking a break again, and i broke down. sorry but it's hard when you fall back in love and do everything you can to make things work and it doesn't. she's been telling me that i don't let her do anything and i'm too controlling and i'm not sure that's what it is. because i'm really not like that. i discussed this with a few friends and they all have told me the same thing.

when i went to hug her and kiss her yesterday when i stopped by her house to give her flowers she pushed me away and told me to stop.

i want to be disconnected from this world right now. i can't lose her. maybe there's someone else involved i don't know about? probably not, but if there is...fuck.

11:51PM - New [dotEXE]

www.vampirefreaks.com/u/dotexecute

Track 3. Blind Prophet

listen to it and let me know what you think